Day of Silence

Today is the Day of Silence, and in honor of that this will be a short post. 



Today I have taken a vow of silence. My silence represents LGBTQ individuals who have been silenced by bullying, harassment, intolerance, and even suicide.


The religious right, in protest, is hosting a Day of Dialogue so students can tell their peers "what the Bible really says about His redemptive design for marriage and sexuality."


This is big part of why I'm being silent today, because ignorance like that still exists in the world. 

What are you doing to end the silence?

The Queer Monologues at CMU and Straight Privilege

Tonight was my kick-off of Pride Week. And I have many reasons to be proud.


The Queer Monologues is "a production of works created by queer and queer positive writers." Individuals affiliated with CMU's Gay and Lesbian Programs performed in Plachta Auditorium tonight at Central Michigan University.


As a student at Central Michigan University, I'm sorry to admit that I haven't joined any of the LGBTQ organizations on campus. I've made it my number one goal next semester to join the Gay Straight Alliance here, called Spectrum. After The Queer Monologues, I'm more determined than ever to be involved in this active community on campus.


The Queer Monologues was a funny, at times tear-jerking, thought-provoking, and educational experience. Topics ranged from the difficulties of being gender nonconforming, bisexual, transgender, and also the difficulties of coming out in general.

The performers emphasized that LGBTQ individuals are all around us. For example, a gay man may live in San Fransisco, but a gay man could also live in a small town with his partner and children--even in my hometown of Holland, MI, no matter how much some residents would like to suppress this "lifestyle." These LGBTQ individuals do not necessarily follow stereotypes. There was a list of dozens and dozens of famous people that are or were LGBTQ (one in particular surprised me).


One performer discussed one specific difficulty of being transgender: her voice. That constant reminder of her past that hormones could not change.


Another talked about LGBTQ teen suicide. About society's inescapable intolerance of who she was. I don't know about other audience members, but tears were in my eyes.


I identified with one performer in particular. She was a straight ally. She talked about the difficulties of being a straight ally, difficulties I have experienced myself all through high school, and sometimes in college.


As I was walking back home after the Queer Monologues, I remembered a time my sister was walking with me in our hometown, Holland. She went to hug a friend goodbye on a street corner, and a car slowed down and the driver yelled crassly, "Get a room!" He assumed based on stereotypes that my sister was a lesbian. I remember having blood rush to my face and I had a mind to chase after the car and tell him what-for. I remember my sister shrugging with a little embarrassment, saying, "Forget about it." I know she has experienced many worse things than this, and has had the courage to share it with Holland's city counsel in this open letter (Here's the link again. And again. And again, bigger. Read it!)


That's the last thing I could do: forget it? I never have.


Doesn't everyone deserve to be able to walk down the street and hug a friend?


I don't have to worry about what people think when I talk about my significant other. I don't have to worry about what to call my significant other. Someday, I will have the right to visit my husband in the hospital, and the right to make important decisions. I can have children without anyone else having a say in it. I could adopt a child if I want to. I was never harassed in high school. I can hold my boyfriend's hand in public without a second glance from passersby. I know my family will accept me. I don't need announce my sexuality to anyone else; it is assumed. My friends, roommates, family members, and others are all comfortable with my sexual orientation. Nobody assumes I'm a pedophile. Nobody thinks children need to be protected from me. My children will see representations of their family in children's books and school curriculum. I am not told I "must be confused" or that my relationship is sinful. My church doesn't discuss whether my relationship will send me to Hell or not. There are TV shows or movies available with people of heterosexual orientation kissing or even having sex without it being a big deal. I am not defined or grouped or put in a box because of my sexual orientation. My sexual orientation won't be a problem at any workplace or classroom. I don't have to face hate because of one facet of my identity. I can get married. 

I don't need to be worried about being harassed on the street corner.


I have straight privilege. I am the heterosexual norm.


So, being a straight ally does have costs. Occasionally, people assume I'm a lesbian. Occasionally, I may be discriminated against because of my views. Twice, I received letters explaining why I'm going to Hell (because of this newspaper column).


But I don't experience 1% of the harassment, discrimination, oppression, or disadvantage that LGBTQ people do.


Sometimes, people wonder why I get so worked up about an issue that "doesn't even apply" to me.


Doesn't apply to me? I'm fighting for my future children and grandchildren and for my cousins and my sister and my friends. I'm fighting because I don't want another child to feel marginalized because of one small part of his or her identity. I'm fighting because I desperately want to prevent more of the ubiquitous teen LGBTQ suicides, and I wish I had been able to be an ally for those who needed one but didn't have one in the past. 

I'm an ally, and I'm proud of it. That's what Pride Week is all about. I'm proud of my sister, my friends, my acquaintances, and I'm proud to stand with them. You should be too. 

[My sister, me, and my mom in Oregon]

(Google Peggy McIntosh to read more about privilege)

Satan is on our side?

The fight for LGBT equality is undeniably important. A new report by the Williams Institute at UCLA's School of Law says there there are 9 million gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender individuals in the United States. And I'm willing to bet there are many more who are unwilling to "come out" because of the fear of marginalization.

However, I read something this morning about a poll being conducted by the website One News Now, run by the American Family Association (an anti-gay hate group). This poll asks:

"What's the major factor that allows homosexuals-a tiny fraction of the whole population-to dictate major changes in cultural morality?"

The winning reason? "Satan is on their side."

I'm not even going to go into the religious aspect of this, just the hinted at idea that LGBT are a small minority insidiously controlling sinister cultural change.

So, it's true. LGBT people are a minority: they make up approximately 3.5% of the population. That is small. So what's wrong with the logic of the above statement?

First of all, while it's obvious that lesbian and gays want their right to marry, it's apparently not obvious to this organization that there are many heterosexual supporters out there. An ABC/Washington Post poll reports that 53% of US adults say that same-sex marriage should be legal. I'd bet that as more and more teenagers reach the age of 18, this number is going to get larger.

So, it's not a minority of people influencing supposedly "evil" cultural change, but a majority of adults. 

I take issue with the idea that homosexuals are the only ones dictating this "moral change." There are so many straight allies, including myself, and the ABC/Washington Post poll supports this assertion.

I feel very strongly that as long as some group is oppressed, we all are oppressed. I want the lesbian and gay individuals in my life to have the same opportunity I have: to get married.

And- I don't believe satan could possibly influence something as uncontaminated and moral as love. The love between two people, no matter the gender.

(As a side note, check out this blog post by Pathetically Domestic Partners. It expresses the extreme desire for LGBT marriage. As a warning, there is some language, so don't click the link if you might be offended).

Odd News: A Homosexual or Transsexual Caveman?

When I read that headline, I was completely disbelieving. I thought this bit of odd news would be an interesting change of pace before my next post (which will be about steps backward in the fight for equality).

Yes, you read the title right. It's being reported by Time that the Czech Archaeological Society discovered some 5,000-year-old remains of a cavemen. The researchers have said he may be 'Homosexual or Transsexual.' Why? He was buried strangely.

These Czech researchers are reporting that this male caveman was buried laying on his left side, with his head facing east. Also, domestic jugs and a egg-shaped pot were found buried with him.

What does this mean?

The caveman was buried in the way consistent with how women were buried. Time is reporting that this indicates this caveman may have been homosexual or transsexual.

Men were typically buried facing west with their knives and weapons.
More from Time:


"From history and ethnology, we know that people from this period took funeral rites very seriously so it is highly unlikely that this positioning was a mistake," Vesinova said at a press conference.  "Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation, homosexual or transsexual."


This isn't the only instance of a gender-bending burial. Katerina Semradova told the Daily Mail that there was a female warrior that once had been found, buried like a man would have been. Sometimes Shamans were also buried in gender-nonconforming ways. The team has suggested that they are quite sure this particular find wasn't some sort of "witch doctor."

NPR allows for a few points of skepticism. Dr. Lemont Dobson, a historian and archaeologist at Drury University, noted that there is 90% accuracy when determining the sex of a skeleton by looking at the pelvis. Also, this archaeologist isn't convinced these remains were not those of a shaman or witch doctor.

I'm not sure what I think. What do YOU think? Is this real, or is this just archeological extrapolation?

Coming Out and Suicide: Words Matter

Via my good friend, Jenny.

This courageous girl, senior Kayla Kearney from Maria Carillo High School, came out to her high school at an assembly honoring Martin Luther King Jr. this year. She takes on the issues of her coming out in an incredibly admirable, brave manner.

Please watch this video. When I started, I was in a hurry with many things to do. 30 seconds into the video I was hooked, and I watched it from beginning to end.

Among other things, she directly answers those who say her sexual orientation is a choice, and those who say she must not act on her feelings. In an especially impassioned section, she describes how she wants to fall in love, walk down the street holding someone's hand, hold them and tell them everything's alright, and eventually, she wants to get married. It just so happens that Kayla wants to be with a girl.


"I want to break the silence... I want to stand up here and talk about this because no one ever does."

The importance of speaking up and standing up for vulnerable teens is extremely apparent. There is a cost, and this cost has a face. Unfortunately, many faces.

Lance Lundsten (March 2011)

Age 18

Adam Wood (March 2011)

Age 19

Nicholas Kelo Jr. (Feb. 2011)

Age 13

Raymond Chase (Sept. 2010)

Age 19

Billy Lucas (Sept. 2010)

Age 15

Caleb Nolt (Sept. 2010)

Age 14

Cody Barker (Sept. 2010)

Age 17

Seth Walsh (Sept. 2010)

Age 13

Tyler Clementi (Sept. 2010)

Age 18

Harrison Brown (Sept. 2010)

Age 15

Asher Brown (Sept. 2010)

Age 13

Justin Aaberg (July 2010)

Age 15

Dominic Crouch (May 2010)

Age 15

There are many more suicides that are not available for me to find on the internet. And there could be many more to come.

The reason for this? It's simple: HATE. And hate often stems from ignorance.

Watch this video of Liberty Counsel's Matt Barber, saying gay kids are inclined to commit suicide because they know being gay is immoral and unnatural.

Kayla understood well the power of words when she came out to her school.  

Words can hurt, but words can also help.

I want to ask you all who are reading this to remember that power, and to promise to never be quiet again. You really can help save lives. 

An Out Gay Bishop: "It Gets Better"

The Bishop of New Hampshire for the Episcopal Church, a gay man, talks about the changing times, the Church and LGBTQ issues in the video below. He is known for being the first openly gay, non-celibate priest to be ordained a bishop in a major Christian denomination, according to Wikipedia. 

He says of being LGBT, "There's nothing to be healed from."

"God loves you the way you are."

A simple sentence, but extremely meaningful. Those in my hometown who are so against LGBTQ people should watch this video.

This is my very favorite of the It Gets Better campaign.

Take a look, you won't be sorry you spent two minutes on this video.

Words Hurt

Words hurt, more than the people wielding them may realize.

LGBTQ youth, like the ones in these videos, suffer from bullying and harassment more than other students.

This student delivers a powerful message without uttering a single word.

Seth Walsh hung himself in 2010. He had come out in the 6th grade and had faced intense bullying ever since. Watch his mother, Wendy Walsh, with the following words.

According to the National Education Association’s report on LGBTQ youth in America, these students face intense bullying and harassment that leads to lower grades, dropouts, hostility at home, homelesseness, anxiety, depression, higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide. Many school employees ignore homophobia in the classroom and around the school. The NEA estimates that millions of individuals are victims of bullies, and that millions more are the bullies themselves (2009).


The Day of Silence is coming up (April 15). It's a day to bring this issue to the forefront of people's minds. Check it out.