The Queer Monologues at CMU and Straight Privilege

Tonight was my kick-off of Pride Week. And I have many reasons to be proud.


The Queer Monologues is "a production of works created by queer and queer positive writers." Individuals affiliated with CMU's Gay and Lesbian Programs performed in Plachta Auditorium tonight at Central Michigan University.


As a student at Central Michigan University, I'm sorry to admit that I haven't joined any of the LGBTQ organizations on campus. I've made it my number one goal next semester to join the Gay Straight Alliance here, called Spectrum. After The Queer Monologues, I'm more determined than ever to be involved in this active community on campus.


The Queer Monologues was a funny, at times tear-jerking, thought-provoking, and educational experience. Topics ranged from the difficulties of being gender nonconforming, bisexual, transgender, and also the difficulties of coming out in general.

The performers emphasized that LGBTQ individuals are all around us. For example, a gay man may live in San Fransisco, but a gay man could also live in a small town with his partner and children--even in my hometown of Holland, MI, no matter how much some residents would like to suppress this "lifestyle." These LGBTQ individuals do not necessarily follow stereotypes. There was a list of dozens and dozens of famous people that are or were LGBTQ (one in particular surprised me).


One performer discussed one specific difficulty of being transgender: her voice. That constant reminder of her past that hormones could not change.


Another talked about LGBTQ teen suicide. About society's inescapable intolerance of who she was. I don't know about other audience members, but tears were in my eyes.


I identified with one performer in particular. She was a straight ally. She talked about the difficulties of being a straight ally, difficulties I have experienced myself all through high school, and sometimes in college.


As I was walking back home after the Queer Monologues, I remembered a time my sister was walking with me in our hometown, Holland. She went to hug a friend goodbye on a street corner, and a car slowed down and the driver yelled crassly, "Get a room!" He assumed based on stereotypes that my sister was a lesbian. I remember having blood rush to my face and I had a mind to chase after the car and tell him what-for. I remember my sister shrugging with a little embarrassment, saying, "Forget about it." I know she has experienced many worse things than this, and has had the courage to share it with Holland's city counsel in this open letter (Here's the link again. And again. And again, bigger. Read it!)


That's the last thing I could do: forget it? I never have.


Doesn't everyone deserve to be able to walk down the street and hug a friend?


I don't have to worry about what people think when I talk about my significant other. I don't have to worry about what to call my significant other. Someday, I will have the right to visit my husband in the hospital, and the right to make important decisions. I can have children without anyone else having a say in it. I could adopt a child if I want to. I was never harassed in high school. I can hold my boyfriend's hand in public without a second glance from passersby. I know my family will accept me. I don't need announce my sexuality to anyone else; it is assumed. My friends, roommates, family members, and others are all comfortable with my sexual orientation. Nobody assumes I'm a pedophile. Nobody thinks children need to be protected from me. My children will see representations of their family in children's books and school curriculum. I am not told I "must be confused" or that my relationship is sinful. My church doesn't discuss whether my relationship will send me to Hell or not. There are TV shows or movies available with people of heterosexual orientation kissing or even having sex without it being a big deal. I am not defined or grouped or put in a box because of my sexual orientation. My sexual orientation won't be a problem at any workplace or classroom. I don't have to face hate because of one facet of my identity. I can get married. 

I don't need to be worried about being harassed on the street corner.


I have straight privilege. I am the heterosexual norm.


So, being a straight ally does have costs. Occasionally, people assume I'm a lesbian. Occasionally, I may be discriminated against because of my views. Twice, I received letters explaining why I'm going to Hell (because of this newspaper column).


But I don't experience 1% of the harassment, discrimination, oppression, or disadvantage that LGBTQ people do.


Sometimes, people wonder why I get so worked up about an issue that "doesn't even apply" to me.


Doesn't apply to me? I'm fighting for my future children and grandchildren and for my cousins and my sister and my friends. I'm fighting because I don't want another child to feel marginalized because of one small part of his or her identity. I'm fighting because I desperately want to prevent more of the ubiquitous teen LGBTQ suicides, and I wish I had been able to be an ally for those who needed one but didn't have one in the past. 

I'm an ally, and I'm proud of it. That's what Pride Week is all about. I'm proud of my sister, my friends, my acquaintances, and I'm proud to stand with them. You should be too. 

[My sister, me, and my mom in Oregon]

(Google Peggy McIntosh to read more about privilege)

Boehner, Republicans Defend DOMA

I can't say I'm surprised, but I can say I'm disappointed.

This is something that may be lost in the hullabaloo in Wisconsin and the uproar about NPR (What I want to know: Why isn't anyone talking about Michigan in the national news?), but in amidst all of this news, we should pay attention.

The Republicans have voted to continue to defend the Defense Of Marriage Act from 1996.

This article summarizes the situation well:

"The Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group, convened by Speaker Boehner, voted 3-2 to authorize the House to retain legal counsel. Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-MD) voted against the action. With at least nine cases challenging the constitutionality of DOMA, spanning three appellate courts and four district courts in six states, today’s vote sets up an expansive and expensive undertaking.

Today's vote could result in spending millions of taxpayer dollars. There are at least nine federal lawsuits -- spanning three appellate courts and four district courts in six states -- challenging the constitutionality of Section 3 of DOMA. The panel did not disclose if they will authorize federal dollars to pay outside counsel to mount a defense of the DOMA law that federal court has found to be unconstitutional and the Department of Justice found to be indefensible."

Also, Rep. Franks, Republican from Arizona, is calling for Obama's impeachment based on the administration's DOMA decision.

There is so much going on in the political sphere these last few days my head is spinning. I think it's especially important that those of us in favor of gay marriage speak up, so this issue doesn't get lost in the hubbub.

I'm Calling Bull

We're in for a long road on this one, folks.


When it comes to discussing LGBT things with children, parents are up in arms.

[Image from here]


I recently posted about Tennessee's proposed "Don't Say Gay Bill." The bill would propose that the only sexuality that could be discussed in elementary and middle school classrooms is heterosexuality. Why? State Senator Stacey Campfield (pictured below) says it's all about "age appropriateness." Confusion is already rife at this age. Why confuse them more with discussion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning topics?

I have a big, huge, monstrous, gigantic problem here. 

Several problems, actually.

First, there is a huge gap in the logic. Not talking about something means less confusion! Of course! Why didn't we think of this before! Not educating means more education! The paradox is clear to me now!


I'm calling bull. 


You know what a lack of education leads to? Ignorance. You know what ignorance leads to? Fear and misunderstanding and impersonalization. What does this lead to? Bullying, taunting, isolation, abuse, marginalization. 


Assault. Suicide. Murder.


Does this seem too abstract? Too unsupported? Too "liberal-on-a-rant"-esque? Well, let's refer to perhaps the most well-known education organization in the United States. The NEA shares in their 2009 GLBTQ report that such students face bullying and harassment that leads to lower grades, dropouts, hostility at home, homelessness, anxiety, depression, higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide. The report says that school employees often ignore homophobia in the classroom and around the school. Millions of individuals are victims of bullies, and millions more are the bullies themselves. There are more statistics and facts in the report. Check it out.


Doesn't seem like a big problem? Well, see here:


"Gay bullying has come into the national spotlight the past four years with cases of suicides from Ohio to Florida involving students as young as middle school age."


As young as middle school age.


This bill would restrict discussions and dialogue about LGBTQ issues to the students that need them most. This leads to marginalization of youth, which can be deadly. 


Children's lives are at stake. 


My sister experienced bullying and discrimination all her life while living in our conservative hometown of Holland, Mich. She wrote an open letter about it that can be read here. 


In 2008, Lawrence King, a fifteen year old from Oxnard, California was murdered while at school. 


There are so many more examples. I've seen it with my own eyes. 


Ignorance is out there, and it's having real life-and-death implications.


Here's another bit of faulty logic in this Tennessee bill. Proponents of this bill are worried about sexually confusing children with discussions of LGBTQ issues. Sure, age-appropriateness is an issue.  The details of heterosexual and homosexual sex should not by any means be taught to elementary students. The senator is missing something very important here, though.


Perhaps it's wrong to discuss personal sexual orientation with second graders. But what about families with two mommies or two daddies? Is it okay to talk about homosexual parents? How does it feel to have your family labelled as wrong, something illegal to be discussed in school, a marginalized "against the norm" entity? An elementary child has the right to see himself or herself represented in children's books and the like. Families with one mom, two moms, one dad, two dads, one mom and one dad and a step dad, foster parents, parents of different races, and so on should be represented! Check out the book Heather Has Two Mommies by Lesléa Newman. Not only is it a very age appropriate book, but also one of the most challenged and censored children's books. 


Perhaps it's wrong to discuss personal sexual orientation with first graders. But is it wrong to discuss gender non-conformity? What about the boy who gets teased for dancing ballet, or the girl who is taunted for loving Nascar? Where do we draw the line? Check out the book The Sissy Duckling by Harvey Fierstein. Is this book about homosexuality? Would this book be banned under this law?


The Senator is completely ignoring alternative families and gender non-conformity. 


Additionally, middle school, containing some of the most confusing years of a person's life, can be key to educating about different types of love and the acceptance for it. This is where discussions of homosexuality are most important, I think. 


Just as people of color have been marginalized by being put in an "other" category, LGBTQ individuals and alternative families have been labelled as something "other" than the norm. Just like there is a White privilege, there is a heterosexual privilege as well. Heterosexism is a big problem. We have what anti-racist speaker Tim Wise calls a "the privilege of obliviousness." 


We have a long, long way to go in the fight for equal rights. But perhaps we have even farther to go for simple acceptance. 


There are perfectly age-appropriate ways to discuss homosexuality in elementary and middle school. There are perfect ways, even, to integrate it into the curriculum. 


But here's what I gather: it seems, and I may be wrong here, that the Senator and I are operating under different worldviews, different assumptions. Senator Campfield sees homosexuality as something wrong, something that needs to be restricted, something that we should protect our youth from. 


I, however, see my lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning friends and family members and complete strangers not as something adverse to society, but just as people, people who happen to have a different sexual orientation from me. 


If Senator Campfield had been taught that lesson in school, maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess. 


I know this has been a long, angry-word-filled post. But honestly, I'm sick of this. I'm sick inside about this marginalization of people. I'm sick of the bullying, the suicides, the ignorance. And I'm sick of this bull. And I will not be quiet about it.


Here's where you can find contact information for Senator Campfield. 

More info:


This fight to be inclusive of LGBTQ people and discussions in the school system is just at the start:


"Polls show that the public’s stance against same-sex marriage is softening, and education about gay issues has expanded dramatically in recent years around the country, but experts suggest that the battle over what should and should not be a part of public school curriculums has just begun."


The debate isn't limited to Tennessee. Check out what's going on in California.


I would like to thank my peer, Amanda Shepard, for her contributions to this post. She and I are doing a research project on LGBT themes in children's literature in the elementary classroom, and through her I became aware of the book Heather Has Two Mommies.